Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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