i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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