I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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