Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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