I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
