dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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