he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Is Oprah even human
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
