What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
