It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
