Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
