How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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