Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
