I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
