Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
