Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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