that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I feel like abortions should bother me more
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
