I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Randomize