Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
