He uses pillows to masturbate.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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