I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
