We need to rekindle our bromance
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
