you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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