I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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