my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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