she looked like the before picture.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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