Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
the raccoons are back...
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