Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
