Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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