I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
