I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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