Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
