haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
last night I used snow as a chaser
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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