broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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