She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
