I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
