She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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