Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I came so hard my ears popped.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
