Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
