So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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