That's when you crack a 10am beer
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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