Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize