Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
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