I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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