its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
