Porn is love you can see.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
