My first STD was from a foam party
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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