So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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