Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
