hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
