Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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