We're facebook friends in real life
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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