why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Randomize
