Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
