I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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