Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
