I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize