On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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