i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
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