i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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