as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
