so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Randomize
