i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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