So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
