you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize