I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
