do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Randomize
