My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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