No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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