you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
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