It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
