you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize