I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
