WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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