When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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