My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize