I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
