I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
