I like my sex mixed with concussions.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
