Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
