my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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