Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
