dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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