addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
