yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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