I'm going to jail i love you
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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