Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Someone shit on the floor
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
