i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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