Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
