he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
should my penis look like a turkey
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
