She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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