My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
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