Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You ate ashes out of my bong
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
