I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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