Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
