I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
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