Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
