My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
