Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
