Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
it's like heaven, but drunker
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize
