people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
