First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
