Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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