Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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